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Nothing technical whatsoever folks; if this bothers you then please just get over it or go away!

I have been in the habit lately of talking women out of the idea of having a relationship with me.

I know how that sounds, and I took the time to record myself speaking the words and then playing them back. So I quite literally know how that sounds.

Being not entirely hideous though rather far from significantly attractive (see the picture over on the right if you doubt me), I have no reasonable explanation for this recent trend, but I am doing what I can to curtail it a much as possible, though.

Nicely.

To give a recent example or two, not too long ago I talked Samantha out of a crush when she tried to get me to go with her and her friends to see Vampire Weekend, which was quite ironically a show I had gotten tickets for someone from another non-relationship that I was friends with¹.

And this last week I did see The B-52’s with Claire (I have been enjoying the group’s new album — which made me regret turning down earlier ticket offers, so she had good timing — and the pre-condition that this was not to be considered a date was accepted and confirmed before we arrived at the venue).

There wasn’t much opportunity to talk about anything other than the band in general and Kate Pierson in particular, but she did want to talk at some point, so we went to dinner the next night.

This was also not a date. But she wouldn’t let me pay for my ticket so she did manage to take advantage of my sense of fair play. :-)

We went to that sushi place near Uwajimaya down the street from Microsoft, and I managed to convince her that it was just a case of temporary emotional myopia before the check came. She believed me, I think because I can be very convincing.

We then ended up having a fascinating conversation about the obsession men have with women from puberty onward. She was talking about something she had seen on E! about the twenty-five most memorable swimsuit moments. After she asked me what I thought was on the list (I had not seen the show), I named:

• Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, in that Judge Reinhold fantasy sequence where she unsnaps the top. 


• Bo Derek in 10, in that one piece suit from a Dudley Moore fantasy scene where they run toward each other;


• Jacqueline Bisset in The Deep, where she wore just bikini bottoms and a white T-shirt;


• Farrah Fawcett in that 1976 poster that they originally didn’t want to pay her for since the agreement was for a bikini;


• Raquel Welch in One Million Years B.C., in that bikini made of animal skins;


• Carrie Fisher in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, in that metallic bikini;


• Cheryl Tiegs in that 1978 SI swimsuit edition shot of the see-through white fishnet bathing suit.;


• Denise Richards and Neve Campbell in Wild Things, for their “fight and then make out scene” in the pool;

There weren’t others I could think of as really being iconic, so I ran out of steam at that point. I think this was the order I named them in though I didn’t write them down so I am not entirely sure.

She asked me where I thought they ranked, and I honestly wasn’t sure (other than thinking the Phoebe Cates one was probably #1).

I don’t know if you have seen this special (I hadn’t, and still haven’t yet), but the fact that all of them were supposedly on the list is how she proved to me that men can be pigs, and the fact that the Cates shot was indeed #1 was proof that men are pigs.

Her theory is that all men can name some or all of these items. I suggested it be called the Homo-Sus hypothesis, which takes the genus of both men and pigs.

Now I don’t think any of this actually constitutes proof, but since for the most part men are kind of pigs anyway and I didn’t want to volunteer examples that I think would constitute proof, it seems silly to argue the previously submitted evidence — we weren’t in court or anything.

Anyway, with the meal long over we went to our cars and parted ways. She is really a very nice person (actually all three of them are) who any normal man would be happy to go out with. The key is find one of those normal men (a concept for which I am technically under-qualified!).

1 - Interestingly enough, after the show, both of them were teasing me about having met and chatted for a while until I just got annoyed with the games of youngsters. At which point they both said they were kidding. Since then they have left it open so I have no idea if they met or not, really. One day one of them may actually tell me, but I’m not going to worry about it (I just don’t enjoy people teasing me about stuff!).

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